Wake Me Up
by timenspace
Summary: AU. She couldn't bear to kill Graham. And she still couldn't understand why. This hadn't been the only time she'd felt this way. Title changed because I felt like it.
1. Away From Me

**Title: **Weakness**  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13**  
>Characters: <strong>Graham, Emma, Regina**  
>Parings: <strong>Regina/Graham, Graham/Emma**  
>Warnings: <strong>Spoilers for Episode 7, Somewhat AU, adult themes.**  
>Summary: <strong>I couldn't bear to have Graham dead, so I wrote him another universe.  
>Different choice, another universe, yes? Thought so.<p>

She held the heart in her hand, still beating against her palm. Her own heart was racing, and she was feeling - she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She wasn't supposed to feel _anything_ - she never felt anything with Graham anyway - well, the physical, yes - but nothing emotional connected them.

It was simply a declaration of power, convincing herself that _she _ruled this town, not whoever Mr. Gold might think himself to be.

It was only for the physical pleasure - and for her own security that they were just _what they were_ to each other. Graham was bound to her beck and call.

She never questioned his feelings, he never questioned her motives.

She'd sworn she would kill him if he ever strayed. She clenched her fist against the beating heart - and she _felt _him screaming in pain - this was why she hadn't been able to kill him the first time - something about him _got _to her the way only one other really had - she'd wanted to forget about the one she had to leave behind.

The one she was _forced _to leave behind. To marry who she was _supposed _to marry - to be a _mother _to a girl she could barely understand.

She hated Graham because he reminded her so much of the one she had lost. And yet, because of that, she could not bring herself to kill him.

A piece of her might be missing that she couldn't fill now, she thought that would make it much easier.

But it didn't, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Angry at herself for her own weakness, she placed the heart back in the box, slamming the drawer which housed it, and stalking out of the crypt, forgetting to be careful about putting everything in its place.

She didn't see the wolf crouched behind a bush, watching her every move. But she knew he was there.


	2. Lacrymosa

**Title: **Weakness**  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13**  
>Characters: <strong>Graham, Emma, Regina**  
>Parings: <strong>Regina/Graham, Graham/Emma**  
>Warnings: <strong>Spoilers for Episode 7, Somewhat AU, adult themes.**  
>Summary: <strong>I couldn't bear to have Graham dead, so I wrote him another universe.  
>I don't know how long this plotbunny will last, I have yet to write a successful AU fic. So enjoy it while you can.<p>

Graham did not return to her that night.

She wished that he would, but why would she _want _such a thing? The pleasure between them meant nothing more than the gratification that came with it, she felt nothing with Graham; she had, once - but that feeling had left quite some time ago.

It might mean something to him, she had never asked. She left the small lamp on in the window, and the window open lest he want to return to her - but he never did.

Nor did he the next night. She saw him on her way back to 108 from her office, but he did not seem to see her.

She did not have the power to kill Emma - one, Mr. Gold would be most displeased, and would probably incite the town to riot. She wasn't sure of the third reason, perhaps in this wretched little town she didn't have the magical power to tear someone's heart from their chest.

Knowing that he _knew _his identity and had kept it hidden for 27 years from her of all people was some feat. It didn't really surprise her, considering he had created the curse there must be some clause in there that made him exempt.

The third night she did not leave the lamp on, or the window open - she was lying there, flat on her back, staring at the ceiling, quite focused on why she hadn't been able to crush Graham's heart in her fist, and there was a soft rapping at the window.

She was tempted to make the window fly open on it's own, but yet again she restrained herself. Getting up out of bed was chilly but she simply opened the window, and they stared at each other for a moment.

She had an insult on her tongue, a biting comment just waiting to come out of her mouth.

"Regina..." the way he said it - yes, she had bound him to her against his own will at first, but this time he had come to her willingly. He came in through the window soundlessly, as he always had since Henry had been a tiny baby that woke at the slightest noise.

Henry. Maybe that was why she couldn't kill the man - the boy would have been crushed...and he would have known she was guilty of it.

Graham blocked out any other thought she might have had as he pulled her close to him, assuming a role he rarely played - the dominant one. He kissed her, hard - bruisingly it seemed.

Just as she had coached him that she liked. Just the way she wanted it.

Maybe it was better this way - his loyalty might be questionable, which meant keeping him out of the loop. At least him being alive did not mean a lonely night, or a cold bed.


	3. I Will Possess Your Heart

**Story: **Weakness  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> I Will Possess Your Heart**  
>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Characters:<strong> Graham, Emma, Regina**  
>Parings: <strong>Regina/Graham, maybe some Graham/Emma**  
>Warnings: <strong>Spoilers for Episode 7, Somewhat AU, adult themes.**  
>Summary: <strong>I couldn't bear to have Graham dead, so I wrote him another universe.  
><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Thank you to **Ghostwriter**, **TudorGurl43**, and **Gravespawn** for reviewing, so far it's working to keep the muse going. It might help that I based my Regina on this universe. It also might have helped that I had a long car ride today, helped me think.

I ask that the readers pay somewhat close attention to what is going on in this chapter. If someone has pointers about how to make this more clear, and yet still insinuate, please let me know. Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and alerts.

_Possession: the state of having, owning, or controlling something or_ _visible power or control over something, as distinct from lawful ownership; holding or occupancy._

Graham hadn't meant to stay away for so long. Once Emma was off duty he had gone back to the crypt, only to find that what they had been looking for was underneath the coffin of Henry Mills.

Still disconcerted that he might disturb the dead, Graham went to explore. Of course seeing the vault made him feel overwhelmed - what if he couldn't know which heart was his?

He tried opening it, but it seemed to have some sort of lock on it - or perhaps it was charmed shut.

He tried to remember - Third from the top, second one over? Or was it fourth?

He pressed the little knob on the side, and C2 opened. He couldn't tell his heart from any other. He tried opening D2 but that one was definatly locked. Quite securely, too.

Graham contemplated for a moment. His heart was still beating in his chest - in order to get the proper one back, Regina would either have to willingly give it to him; or be defeated.

He couldn't be going around upsetting the balance. Besides, he wasn't sure he liked _this feeling _in the first place. What he had with Regina was right, like home. To give that up now seemed somehow wrong.

_Like he had betrayed his queen. _

He didn't know what two hearts in his chest might do - especially if he hadn't remembered quite accuratly and that wasn't _his _in the first place.

_"And if you ever stray, all I have to do is squeeze..."_

He brushed the memory away, shaking his head. There had to be something that made her like this. Did he actually feel sorry for the mayor? Madame Mayor Regina Millis, who had everything anyone could want at her beck and call?

He looked back at the wall of hearts. There must be a reason that the one vault wouldn't open for him. It was more than just he wasn't supposed to discover it yet.

She didn't want _anyone _to know.

Satisfied that he had found what he was looking for, he walked out of the crypt, replacing the coffin; as well as the wilted flowers. He would replace them for her, she might not notice.

Maybe he was lying to himself, but in truth, he did not really want to change things. If someone else did, that was perfectly all right, and he would not do anything to stop _her. _He simply did not want the role of a game-changer.

Regina had bound herself to him for a reason, and who was he to defy that? He was perfectly fine with her being in possession of his heart, even though a rhythm still beat to the contrary inside his chest.


	4. Unity Without Love

**Story:** Weakness  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> Unity Without Love**  
>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Characters:<strong> Esmerelda, Henry (father), other characters**  
>Warnings: <strong>adult themes**  
>Summary: <strong>She had given up love before, she would never do so again.  
><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Some backstory this chapter. I was thinking that Regina's mother might be a witch like Morgana, but that was only brief, as I don't know Arthurian Legend too well. Review and tell me what you think about that idea.

**TudorGirl43 : **you will find out the answer next chapter, there's a little bit more to it than only Graham's heart, and it might not be what you think :D

**83annak: **I hope to write more Graham/Regina depends on how the muse keeps up. I haven't had this sort of inspiration since I wrote **A Little Taste of Reality**, so I am hoping it keeps.

"He asked for your hand, Esmerelda."

The princess stared at her father in disbelief. "I don't even know him, father - I have seen him at court, yes, but -"

"He's a widower."

"If he wants a governess he should hire one. Or buy someone to be a mother for his child." She commented angrily.

"I did tell him you were high-spirited. Roland said he wanted someone who would make a good queen - to teach his daughter the ways of the court. He wants her to suceed him in the Third Kingdom."

"He wants his _daughter _to suceed him. I _don't _love him, Father, you know that. I barely know who he is, let alone what his heart desires." She sat back against her couch.

"You can't unite kingdoms by marrying a courier, Essie."

She scowled. "You know I have never let the answer no, stop me Father_._"

"The wedding is in two weeks, I'm sorry Essie but if he wants you, he could easily take over our kingdom for it. Roland made all the arrangements."

"He's taking more land for himself, you know that. He's always been greedy." Of course she couldn't be sure of that, she was just painting the man as worse as possible, hoping her father would change his mind.

"You don't know him."

"Exactly! Which is why I won't marry him. I refuse. He want's a gentle, benevolent queen. I'm a witch, a wizard, a bearer of magic. That makes me far from gentle. And those who defy me are punished. I am not benevolent."

"He knows about Dumno, Essie." He paused, letting the significance of his words sink in.

"How does he know?" Her voice shrunk to a horrified whisper. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

"You know I would say no such thing; but I would suggest that you go along with his wishes, Essie. If there's a spy in the court -"

"His life would be in danger."

Her father knew that although she did not show the emotion, she felt crushed - trapped even. She had fallen for the courier, and no amount of convincing that he could not be the one for her would work.

Roland had first met her at the queen's funeral, and then began having eyes for her at Snow's first birthday celebration. Henry knew they were a small kingdom that didn't have the firepower to fight off Roland's wishes. He hadn't threatened of course, but Henry had always feared that Essie's temper might be the end of all of them one day.

"Do you want me to send Dumno to you?"

"No, Father, I think seeing him would make it worse." She was staring behind him into the mirror. That ment she was furiously angry, and it might be better if she were left alone with her thoughts. Of course she knew that if she saw him she would not be able to break it off.

"I'll be downstairs; call if you need me." He went to the door, yet stood in the doorway to offer her one more thing. "You have grown so beautiful, Essie. I am sorry that you mother couldn't see you like this. I think she would be very proud. I think you should be proud that a king like Roland, who could pick anyone he wants for his kingdom would choose you." Henry knew the words didn't help, but at least they had been said and Essie had heard them.

He closed the door carefully, and went down the stairs, shaking his head sadly. A servant offered a glass of wine, and he took it glumly, watching the stairs. He knew Essie had a hot temper, but she got that from him. Over the years he had learned to hide it, to control it - but for Essie it was like a wildfire that would rage out of control no matter what she did to try and stop it.

She hadn't broken anything serious, she had just thrown a vase off the scaffolding once, had almost broken a servant's nose for trying to restrain her, and had burnt a valuable peice of artwork while practicing her magic.

He waited, watching the flames in the fireplace - the source of Essie's power. She had gotten that from her mother. If only she were here to guide Essie! Henry knew what little her mother had told him about the magic that she carried.

Then he heard the sound of glass breaking. Essie had finally lost it.

Upstairs, as soon as her father had left the room, tears had sprung into her eyes. She loved him - she had told him so. Of course he was afraid to show affection anywhere but her private quarters with the assurance that the door was bolted, but he felt the same way about her as she did about him.

And now she couldn't marry him as she wished. It wasn't Henry's fault, she knew that. He was thinking politically - he had married Essie's mother against everything though.

She wept, the commoners envied the royals and their life of ease. But commoners could marry who they pleased; royals had to marry to unite kingdoms. Love didn't always fit into the equation.

It didn't now, that was for certain.

She paced, she knew she was furious this time, and how sad it made Father when she broke something - as inexpensive as some things were. But her anger was rising, like a fire - unquenchable.

She had to do something to make herself feel better. The lamp by her bed. She picked it up roughly, spilling some lamp oil on the rug. She went on the veranda and let it drop on the stone floor - or more accuratly - threw it. It shattered into several thousand pieces and the oil from the lamp spread out onto the floor, reminiscent of pooling blood.

She couldn't bear to think of Dumno that way - of what Roland might do if he found out about the tryst. Of course she didn't _know _if he would kill Dumno but it could be easily guessed. Kings weren't beyond that sort of thing. The thought of killing Dumno herself crossed her mind, but was quickly dispelled.

Why couldn't they just marry for love anymore? Didn't true love exist?


	5. Heartless

**Story Title: **Weakness**  
>Chapter Title:<strong> Heartless **  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13**  
>Characters: <strong>Regina, Henry (father), Snow White (mentioned), Snow White's father, other characters**  
>Parings: <strong>Regina/Graham, Graham/Emma**  
>Warnings: <strong>Spoilers for Episode 7, Somewhat AU, adult themes.**  
>Summary: <strong>The wedding she didn't want, and a man she didn't love. But it gets worse. Contains some blood/violence this chapter.  
><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>All I can hear is Sheldon from Big Bang ranting about how no one really can live without a heart. It's a fairy tale, pretty much defies all laws of physics, warm summer evening or not!

_heartless: adjective; displaying a complete lack of feeling or consideration.  
>synonyms; unfeeling, soulless, cruel, callous, ruthless<br>_

She was beautifully dressed with jewels sewn into the cream-colored fabric. The light color didn't quite match her personality, but it was better than pure white - after all she wasn't the king's first. Second choice meant an off-color.

She said the words before the cardinal and her new husband as though she meant them. Essie could hide her feelings when she wanted to. She didn't want to disappoint or disgrace her father. She knew nothing about being a mother to the little girl who sat in the front row, trying to smile but really looking quite nervous.

After the ceremony, there were several days of celebrations. Why, Esmeralda didn't want to dream to imagine. It was quite obvious the people wanted to show they adored their new queen, almost too much in fact. She didn't see much of her new stepdaughter, and didn't necessarily _dislike _her at first either.

At the wedding feast little Snow White made far better company than her new husband. Snow was easier to talk to, easier to read than Roland. He came off a bit stiff to his new wife, and Snow seemed to think she was just the governess, or a new addition, no high expectations of motherhood. A child was at least honest to enough degree that one knew when they were lying.

She was disappointed Snow would not attend the final festivities - though she understood why. A jousting tournament had the tendency to not be suitable for young, delicate royals. Of course _she _had when she was a little older than Snow. Perhaps because Henry knew no better.

It didn't make it easier to attend it alone. Of course Henry was there, but she didn't really count him as a confidante anymore, especially in front of her new husband. The final match was announced: and she was horrified to hear Dumno's name read. He was participating, probably for her - the show-off that he liked to be. She hadn't been able to tell him goodbye, even to send a note of good wishes. No words seemed quite fit for that. She couldn't quite bear to say goodbye anyway, she never really liked them, and she dealt with quite enough moving to the new palace. After all, not everyone could come with her.

The match began and Dumno's opponent charged. The jousting stick splintered against Dumno's breastplate. The new queen rose when she saw the young courier hit. Dumno was not thrown, yet he slumped forward in the saddle in a manner that worried Esmeralda. Dumno was good with horses, unless their was a serious problem, there would be few things that caused him to ride that way.

His one attendant took the horse's reins, the other tried to help him out of the saddle. The queen saw blood as they helped Dumno lie on the ground and the attendant's removed his armor. It must be serious then, because they rarely would do this - it was considered somewhat dishonorable to reveal the contestant to the crowd in such a way. Blood pooled into the sand under him, and he barely moved as his attendants seemed concerned, and calling for a physician.  
>"Ladies and gents, it appears the match will not be continued," the announcer shouted into the crowd.<p>

She knew enough of jousting that meant one thing, and probably one thing alone. Esmerelda hiked up her dress - she was still wearing her wedding clothes. She unceremoniously hurried into the arena where he lay, struggling to draw breath. Splinters from the stick seemed embedded in his neck, and it seemed one of the attendants had stupidly tried to remove a few - causing him worse injury. He reached for her, trying to say her name, but that was all Fate and his lifesblood had allotted.

"You were very brave courier," was all she could manage to say, fighting her urge to strangle the attendants for their stupidity, yet she cursed the opponent, whoever he might be. After all, her ladies-in-waiting were there, it wouldn't do to appear as though she had loved the nobleman she wasn't supposed to even meet eyes with. She knew her hem was filthy with the arena dust, and yet she just couldn't quite make herself care about such things as petty as appearance.

King Roland seemed concerned over the emotion on her face as she went back to her seat. "Are you alright, wife?"

"I have not really seen blood like that, Sire, nor have I seen a courier with such bravery," she didn't quite know how she managed to say the words with such calm.

She heard him instruct his guardsmen to escort her to her quarters, but she didn't remember actually walking there.

She felt empty, as though there was no reason for anything in particular anymore. Once the grief seemed to subside, the determination and rage set in. Her heart could never be possessed by another. And she knew how to make sure of that, though she never thought she would have to use such methods on herself. She had filed it away for purposes of destroying her enemies, not for using it on herself.

Being the new queen she had access to almost everything, but she did not yet take advantage of this privilege. When a messenger from her new husband asked what it was that grieved her so, she claimed she only needed time to grieve the nobleman - as he had been her best friend since childhood. The king believed her lie, or at least pretended to.

After the fourth day, the time for mourning was nearly over, yet she still felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest. Because all the artifacts in her room she feared breaking, as it would surely lead to questions she did not wish to answer; she did the only thing she knew to relieve the pain she felt so keenly.

She called for the person that nobody called on, because his trickery was quite well known - Rumplestiltskin. He knew how to remove a heart - without killing the body. And at the moment that was what she needed. She paid him more than his weight in pure gold - the price he asked for.

It hurt like hell itself, and she was glad they were in his tiny hut deep in the woods, for in the palace it would cause suspicion. With that sense gone and locked away - she no longer felt as though something was missing.

It glowed in her palm, emitting something of a comforting light. She locked it in the jewelry box that Dumno had given her once. She had a special vault built just for the purpose of storing it, claiming it was a special jewel from the family. She charmed the walls so even those who built it couldn't find it if they wanted to.

And it was with that she locked herself away. She was the dutiful little queen that Roland had asked for, but she had made sure that no one would truly possess her heart again.

She did eventually confide in the young princess the story of her first love, one of many secrets the princess could not seem to keep.

When the mirror showed her the Hunter in the woods, the person she was looking for, a feeling was awakened that she was quite sure she no longer possessed. Even though he strayed once, and strayed again, she could not make herself kill him. So she hated and yet loved the Huntsman, as perhaps she hated and loved herself, in ways that cannot easily be expressed in words or thoughts, but merely actions themselves.


	6. You Are All That I Have

**Chapter Title: **You're All That I Have  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Mirror, Queen, The Huntsman. Queen/Huntsman dub-con :P  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> dub-con. Now I have warned you enough. :P  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Was listening to the song by the same title by same title. It might help to understand the chapter :D  
>I know it was quick, but no heart = no real conscience, yes? It's still dub-con. It's mostly Huntsman's perspective here, but a little Queenie...<p>

Cookies to anyone who catches the DW reference.

_There is a darkness deep in you  
>A frightening magic I cling to<br>_

The Queen is like a raging storm, but for some reason he finds that a bit ... that it is exciting not quite like anything else. Of course feelings now seem difficult to articulate properly.

He slips out of bed where she appears to be sleeping. He no longer contemplates escape. He has had quite enough of experiencing her Blood-Boiling Potion and other means to think of such things. He wants to see the mirror on the other side of the chamber. He no longer seems to notice his status of being unclothed, the Queen has reassured him in numerous ways they will not be disturbed at her orders. The Mirror is no one to be worried about, she says.

He would take an arrow to whatever might be left in his chest if it meant for her survival - which is quite strange, he's not sure where that loyalty might have come from...

Or so the mirror says that's what it is called. Loyalty. It's such a strange word, like a word for a pet. That's what the Queen calls him. Is it his name? He knows better than to fight remembering.

He doesn't quite feel anything but how she is the dominate one, but to him it is somehow right. He belongs here. She has caught him, trapped him, pins him against her.

Something he can't quite grasp. He feels his bare chest - staring at it in the Mirror, there seems to be nothing there. No drumbeat, no throbbing against his hand.

He must be imagining. Nobody can live without breathing. Without _something _there.

He's alive isn't he?

"What are you doing, my pet?" she asks, propping herself up on her elbow, her dark hair cascading down her bare shoulders, her dark eyes boring into his, feeling for any sign of disloyalty, at pulling away at being called "pet". But he doesn't. Not this time.

"I was merely looking at the magic mirror, my queen."

"Did it speak?"

"It called me loyal."

"That you are. Quite loyal. It pleases me, you know."

He stares at her briefly. Her womanhood. He knows what she wants... again. She seems to be trying to fill some sort of void. At least she found him appropriate instead of killing him or torturing him to death - as he thought she might. He is grateful for that. He has failed before, he can't fail again.

He returns, his bare feet padding on the cold stone floor, in fact this time he lies down rather submissively to whatever she might choose to do on this particular night.

To her satisfaction, it has not taken away much of her magic to bind him as an obedient servant. She didn't like to have to torture him to submit to her will. Something about the way he screams gets to her, and she can't let him just go. Not now. Tomorrow he does not need to be sent back to the dungeon. He can remain at her side, his proper place as her honor guard... and whatever he might be to her in bed. He is _something, _and something is better than the _nothin__gness_ that she had. His warmth underneath her skin is better than the cold she'd been feeling lately.

She's dark, powerful - but something about her magic - the prowess that has drawn him in and _keeps _him there. He no longer wants to leave.

_You're cinematic, razor sharp  
>A welcome arrow through the heart<br>Under your skin feels like home  
>Electric shocks on aching bones<em>


End file.
